E, Eels

03/06/2009

If I knew then

I was a particularly clueless 16 year old, without a rudder, sailing adrift. I was a bit of an outsider and very sensitive, easily bruised.  I had really bad acne and huge braces on my teeth and shaggy hair – am I turning you on yet? But I was always a creative kid, doing drama and making songs on piano and guitar. And I was funny – that was how I communicated.

I was heavily into music by 16 – I would go through intense phases. I was in my Who phase at 16, going to their concerts and coming home from school every day and listening to Quadraphenia. The idea of the British mod was so exotic and foreign to me. I liked that it was escapist but I could also totally identify with the teenage angst.

With regards to the opposite sex – I’d tell myself to get a cute dog. It’s an easy way to get talking to women. Getting a rock band together is a lot of work. People come up to me and talk all the time now. Unfortunately I don’t want to meet people any more, but if I’d had a dog at 16 it would have saved a lot of trouble. Things were not good in the girl department at 16 – at times it did feel like no one would ever like me. At times it still does.

I was convinced I wouldn’t live until I was 18. I think I needed that feeling, that there was a way out, when things got bad. I couldn’t imagine being 18 and being an adult. So when it happened it was kinda weird. I hadn’t made any plans. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life..

It's true that the 16 year old me has difficult times ahead (E found his father dead in his bed when he was 19. His sister E’s sister Elizabeth suffered from schizophrenia and committed suicide in 1996). But I’d tell myself, you will get through them.  It will be worth the ride. I’ve generally been the type to worry about the future and forget to stop and smell the roses. But lately I have remembered to stop and smell the roses.

I’d tell the teenage E that one day he’ll be standing onstage at the Royal Albert Hall with 3000 people all staring at him, eager to hear what he’s going to say next and enjoying what he’s doing. And the 16 year old me would say, “Shut up, crazy old man.”