Kwame Kwei-Armah

26/01/2010

Writer, producer and Casualty star, aged 43

At 16 I wanted to be a singer-songwriter.  I honestly thought that I was going to be the next Lionel Ritchie. Those ambitions were encouraged by my stage school and by the people around me, so I felt pretty good about myself.

I was part of a big, happy family. Home life was great, partly because in the outside world I was surrounded by extreme xenophobia. The National Front were in their ascendency and it was dangerous for me to leave my home in case I was attacked, so the warmth of home juxtaposed with the coldness of the exterior world. I still have a very noisy house, full of young people of various ages – my children range from four to 17 and they all bring their mates round. I like it that way.

What worried me at 16 was that I wasn’t good looking enough. The girls I fancied didn’t fancy me. I remember a Shalimar song around at that time, with lyrics about “somewhere there’s a love just for me”. It became my anthem.

If I met the 16-year-old Kwame now I’d think he was very loud and funny, with a big personality. I’d like him but I think I’d say: “You’re very loud bruv, calm down a bit.”

I still envy the 16-year-old Kwame his clarity of mind. I use my younger self to judge my older self, far more than the other way round. I was so clear about what was right and wrong, and as I’ve got older I’ve started to see things in greys. Children and a mortgage make you far more pragmatic.

Getting into a popular show like Casualty was a great move as a jobbing actor but of course it was never all of me. Sometimes it frustrated me that some people saw that as the pinnacle of my career and didn’t take note of my writing work.

I’d advise my younger self to make more of the opportunity to further my career in America. When I was 25 I was taken around the castings in LA and I had a really bad time and came home early thinking it wasn’t for me. I should have had more patience and resilience and toughed it out a bit – I might have had a different sort of career.

I’d warn the young Kwame that life has a way of coming back to bite you on the arse. It’s easy at 16 to be judgmental and dismissive of others but it’s a good idea to try to be understanding about why other people make the decisions they do.

I’d tell the young Kwame to put as much effort into perfecting his table tennis backhand as his forehand. I just played with my forehand. It’s a great metaphor for life – I just played my strengths and didn’t work on my weaknesses.

Interview: Jane Graham